


Heart

by mottal



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 09:01:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2806949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mottal/pseuds/mottal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gai has changed a lot lately, but that's okay, because Kakashi will never leave his side. No matter what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart

Gai hardly ever spoke anymore. 

It was unnerving, not only to Kakashi, but to every Shinobi in the village. Even civilians noticed. When Maito Gai went quiet, people were bound to take note. 

Not that almost everyone didn’t know his reasons for the lack of speech, no, pretty much everyone knew. Various shinobi tried approaching him, trying to probe him back into his former self. No matter how much they’d complained about his loudness and his annoying personality before, now that it was gone it was sorely missed. Konoha without a loud, rampaging ball of energy named Maito Gai was like a ninja without a kunai.   
\------  
No one said anything when one day Gai stopped wearing his green jumpsuit and eye piercing orange leg warmers. He’d switched to the normal Jounin outfit, a long sleeved black shirt under his vest, black pants with bandage wrappings around his lower legs. He no longer stood out like a sore thumb, which made him stand out even more. 

He heard people whispering, of course. 

The only one to be upfront about anything was, of course, Kakashi. 

“So, no more suit and legwarmers, Gai?”

“No.”

A nod, “why?”

A glance upwards, lacking emotion but at the same time showing emotion that only Kakashi was able to detect, “you know why.” 

Another nod, “yeah.”   
\--------  
Still, no one said a word when it was apparent Gai was growing out his bowl cut. He’d started wearing his headband on his head a while ago, and only those who had known could tell he actually had a bowl cut. And only those who knew could tell that he was growing it out. The hair drooped down over the Hitai-ate, messy and rumpled looking like it never had before. Sticking out it spikes in some places. It was extremely unnerving. 

“So,” Kakshi said as he approached Gai, “No more bowl cut? You’re growing it out?” 

“Yes” 

A glance up, laced heavy with concern but hid well, “Why?”

A sigh, “You know why.”

“...Yeah. “  
\-------

He had a hard time sleeping. Dark circles gradually formed under his eyes. It got to the point where Tsunade wouldn’t allow him to go on missions unless he started taking sleeping medications. 

He had nightmares anyways.   
\-------

“How did you deal with it, Kakashi?” He asked, one day over a bowl of ramen. He’d barely touched it. 

“What do you mean?” 

A thinly veiled eye roll, “You know what I mean.” 

“...Yeah.” A pause. “Well…” A sigh, “Honestly, Gai. You.” 

Shocked, Gai nearly dropped his chopsticks, “What do you mean, me?” 

“I mean...if it hadn’t been for you I have no clue how I would have dealt with the death of my team. You were there for me like nobody else was. And you always have been.” The silence was thick, Gai didn’t answer. “So that’s why I’m going to do the same for you, Gai.” 

“...Thank you, Kakashi.”   
\-------  
The nightmares never stopped. He kept seeing them die, over and over again. Neji. Tenten. Lee. In that exact order, every night since it happened. Over and over again. 

What a pathetic sensei he was. He couldn’t even keep his own students safe.   
\------  
Over time he didn’t even look like the same person anymore. Minus his bowl cut and bright colored attire. Many shinobi had gotten used to it, and his drastic change in personality. 

He could finally stop looking in the mirror and seeing Lee reflected back. Smiling and hopeful and full of youth. Now when he looked in the mirror and saw himself, tired and frowning and pretty much devoid of hope. He didn’t know which was worse. 

He stopped looking in mirrors.   
\------  
They were sitting on a roof watching the sunset. It was all very cliche. 

“You don’t look like yourself anymore.”

“Yes I do.”

“No you don’t.”

“...”

Kakashi glanced over, the light of the setting sun was reflecting off of Gai’s profile, out of all the things that had changed about Gai, the frown was the worst. Kakashi missed his smile. If anything had to come back from the old Gai, Kakashi wished it would be his smile. 

A heavy sigh, “Why did you make yourself look so different?”

He didn’t look at Kakashi, “You know why.”

“...Yeah.”   
\------  
“Everyone misses the way you used to act, you know.” It was an abrupt subject change, they were lounging in Kakashi’s apartment, drinking sake. Kakashi’s mask was down, Gai had seen his face many times before, it didn't matter. 

Gai just blinked and didn’t answer. 

“Kind of funny, everyone used to complain about how annoying you were.” No answer. “Good naturedly of course.” Still no answer. “I think everyone finds the quiet unnerving.” No answer. 

“I’m okay with it, though.” A pause, Gai was looking at him weird. Kakashi smiled, “I mean, you were annoying before, but in a good way. You’ve always been my friend and I’ve always accepted you for you were. That won’t change now, and besides, your heart is the same, that’s all that matters.” That got a little more sappy than he’d intended, but it was the truth. 

Looking up, Kakashi saw tears gather in Gai’s eyes, “Thank you...Kakashi.” It came out a little bit choked. 

Kakashi smirked and tilted his head, “Though, I’ll tell you, it’s kinda weird being the talkative one.” 

Leaning down to refill his sake, Kakashi caught Gai give a hint of a smile. That was enough. 

“Though there’s still one thing I absolutely don’t want to change about you.” Gai looked up at that, confused.

“What?”

“We’re still rivals, right? I don’t think I could live without having Maito Gai as my rival.” He said, smirking. 

The corners of Gai’s mouth quirked up, “Of course, my rival.”

Kakashi didn’t think Gai would ever go back to being the exact same person he was, couldn’t blame him after what he’d been through. But the basics were still there. He was still the same at heart. And that’s all that mattered.   
\-----  
“Hey, Kakashi?”

“What?”

“Why are you doing all this for me? Why do you...care so much?”

“You know why.”

“...Yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> This whole fic was inspired by my idea of "what if Lee died and Gai grew out his bowl cut and stopped wearing his suit because it reminded him of Lee." And it kind of?? Spiraled into Kakagai??? And into his whole team dying??? Sorry. I feel like maybe this whole fic was kinda OOC, but that was kinda the point, that his whole team dying changed Gai so much that he noticeably changed?? Idk. 
> 
> Also the kakagai is super subtle and more friend-ish till the end, where he's basically telling him he loves him. Man this ship is my everything omfg.


End file.
